{{prhprp350.jpg}}
blameless distrust. How humiliating is this discovery! Yet,
how just a humiliation! Had I been in love, I could not
have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has
been my folly. Pleased with the preference of one, and
offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning of
our acquaintance I have courted prepossession and ignorance,
and driven reason away where either was concerned. Till
this moment, I never knew myself.'
From herself to Jane, from Jane to Bingley, her thoughts
were in a line which soon brought to her recollection that Mr.
Darcy's explanation _there_ had appeared very insufficient; and
she read it again. Widely different was the effect of a second
perusal. How could she deny that credit to his assertions, in
one instance, which she had been obliged to give in the other?
He declared himself to have been totally unsuspicious of her
sister's attachment; and she could not help remembering
what Charlotte's opinion had always been. Neither could she
deny the justice of his description of Jane. She felt that
Jane's feelings, though fervent, were little displayed, and that
there was a constant complacency in her air and manner, not
often united with great sensibility.
When she came to that part of the letter in which her
family were mentioned, in terms of such mortifying, yet
merited, reproach, her sense of shame was severe. The
justice of the charge struck her too forcibly for denial; and
the circumstances to which he particularly alluded, as having
passed at the Netherfield ball, and as confirming all his first
disapprobation, could not have made a stronger impression
on his mind than on hers.
The compliment to herself and her sister was not unfelt.
It soothed, but it could not console her for the contempt
which had been thus self-attracted by the rest of her family;
and as she considered that Jane's disappointment had, in
fact, been the work of her nearest relations, and reflected
how materially the credit of both must be hurt by such
impropriety of conduct, she felt depressed beyond anything
she had ever known before.
After wandering along the lane for two hours, giving way
to every variety of thought, reconsidering events, determin-
ing probabilities, and reconciling herself, as well as she could,
[350]............prev.....................next................